And now I have returned from my two-week visit with my family. I’m back!
I took a break from everything and did nothing. I spent quite a bit of time with family members, which is partially why I didn’t update during the holiday vacation. Another reason? I’m still anonymous, and with my family I can never be alone in a room. Now one of my good friends is in town (in fact, she owns the house I live in), so I won’t be doing much updating this week except for this post. Besides the fact that we want to hang out, I also want to keep this blog secret from her as well as my family.
This is where I feel like a coward with my excessive paranoia. Why can’t I even venture onto these blogs for a few minutes because I don’t want others to see what I’m doing? Why am I so secretive? Today when I was at work, I had to spend the first hour on a computer lab computer because the maintenance people were working near my space. Since there were no students, that was fine. But every time someone would walk somewhere behind me, I’d feel tense and dread the possibility of them looking to see what was on my screen. And I wasn’t even doing anything wrong! I was strictly doing my job.
Moving on then. While I’ve been gone, halfwaybetweenthegutter has nominated me for a Versatile Blogger Award! Thanks are due! I will post my own response in a few days, on either Friday or Saturday. (Again, there’s my paranoia to consider.) I would like to think carefully about what I’d like to mention and which blogs to nominate. (There are many excellent blogs out there!) This weekend, I’ll also try to catch up on others’ blogs.
And now we finally reach the title of my blog. An extensive discussion of what I did during the holidays would bore anyone to death. A familiar phenomenon happened: I lounged around the house, read, and watched TV. I slept late. At one point, I began to get stir crazy because I was doing nothing. Then I settled into the routine of doing nothing and grew accustomed to it. I enjoyed it. It was like I was living in this blissful vacuum. I worried about nothing and did whatever I wanted. I was lazy. But the bubble had to burst some time. When it came to an end, I didn’t know if I could return to the real world. I grew morose. Going back to work today was difficult. Just having to be present around other human beings filled me with panic.
This doesn’t happen to most people I know. They say that they’re actually glad to be back at work because they became extremely bored doing nothing. But not me–I want to live in the nothingness bubble forever.
What ever happened to my work ethic? My ambition? Am I such a useless human being that my life’s desire is to do nothing?