It’s time once again for the Friday Fictioneers. This week, my offering is 92 words. The photo prompt was provided by Janet Webb.
“Are you sure this is it?” Rhoda asked. “This place looks a little . . . run-down.”
“Yeah,” Zeke answered after he switched off the ignition. “Everything’s just as my uncle said it would be.”
Rhoda snorted. “The fence is in better condition than the barn. Remind me, whose idea was this again?”
Zeke blushed. “It’ll be fine once we spruce it up a bit. I like it already.”
“You would,” Rhoda commented wryly. “You love anything that’s untameable.”
“I’m sure there’s enough here to inspire even you,” Zeke replied. “C’mon, let’s take a look inside.”
Hmmm … there’s some conflict and contrast between your characters there. Like the conflict and contrast between the pristine picket fence and the falling-down barn. It’s more a beginning than a complete story. I would love to know what happened next. Ann
All the story ideas I came up with were too long, so I chose the best one. Thanks for these thoughtful observations!
Dear Angel,
Not sure this would be my idea of an artist’s retreat. Hope they can work things out. Hopefully Rhoda and Zeke can work it out. I liked the line “You love anything that’s untameable.” Telling of their relationships I’d say.
Shalom,
Rochelle
I’m glad you like that line. Wording it correctly was actually what I struggled with most while writing the story. I phrased it so many different ways, and they all sounded not quite right, until I got to this one.
There’s a convention that some artists go to the countryside to work on their art. That’s what I was playing with here, and I hope it worked.
“A little run-down” might be the understatement of the week.
Zeke has a lot of optimism and I hope they can make it work out. I think their relationship will be fine, although I don’t know about the barn. I like the conversation.
Enjoy your weekend,
janet
I’m glad you liked the conversation!
I was afraid it sounded awful because I think dialogue is one of my weak points. I’ve gotten better at it, but I know I can easily fall into making it stilted.
Rhoda and Zeke complement each other, so I think they’ll be fine.
He obviously likes her too so the untamable line was most likely apropos.
Indeed. That would make sense. Thanks for stopping by!
That is an interesting take on the old barn: an opportunity we all have been looking for to have our own artist’s space – our writing shed! Clever girl!
Thanks! Yeah, an artist’s space sure would be nice . . .
ha! Liked the bit of sarcasm at the end!
Thanks! I’m often insecure about writing in a lighter tone, so that’s good to hear.
this is a good place to play with style.
As an artist myself I would’ve loved the place (once it got fixed).
Indeed. Some people might also enjoy fixing it, too. (Not me, but I’d go there when it was fixed, lol.)
I like this much….wish you would expand on it too
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Thanks. Maybe if I ever feel up to it, I might possibly be able to make a longer story out of it.
Nice job. Loved the playful dialogue between these two. And sounds like she’s a little “untameable” herself.
That’s possible.
Thanks.
I wonder if Rhoda is inculded what’s untameable
That may or may not be the case. It could explain why she knows so much about the subject.
I wonder if this an untamed piece to Rhoda that keeps Zeke engaged. He seems to be the dreamer in this pair, able to look ahead to positive days.
Who knows about Rhoda? It’s possible. Zeke definitely is the more optimistic of the two.