Monthly Archives: July 2012

Two Sets of Tagging Questions

I’ve been tagged once again by two other bloggers. I’m not going to ask anyone else questions, but I’ll answer the questions here.

First up, Kevin from Voices of Glass posed these questions:

01.  Beauty pageants often require the the participants to demonstrate an individual skill or talent – if you were in a beauty pageant which individual skill or talent would you demonstrate?

I’d ask if I could do some freestyle poetry.

02.  What part of your body would you change if you could and how would you change it and why?  (If this is too personal  just makes something silly up like adding wings to yourself or simply decline from answering lol)

My stomach is too fat. It’s disproportionate to my legs. In order to have pants that aren’t too tight, I have to wear a rather large size, but my legs are dwarfed by the material, and it makes my legs look bigger than they are. No doubt my stomach is where a lot of my fat is, so I could also drop a lot of my weight.

03.  If you could take me to one special place to share it with me, where would you take me and why?

I’m not sure where I’d go with you. We’d just meet somewhere so we can get a sense of each other in real life. Ireland is probably more exciting than where I am, so I’d like to meet you there and have you show me some of your favorite places.

04.  Do you have any tattoos and if so what and where are they?

No, I don’t have any tattoos. I’m afraid of getting something that I wouldn’t want later in life. However, for the past few years, I’ve wanted a tattoo on my left inner wrist, but I’ve heard that’s a very painful place to get one. Still, that’s the spot I’d like it in. I don’t know what design I’d want, though. Maybe some sort of small sunburst or fractal type of thing. I’m also afraid that having a tattoo in such an obvious place might make me look unprofessional.

05.  If I was to get a tattoo on my left buttock and you could have absolute say in what I got tattooed there – words or picture or both – what would you choose and why?  (And trust me there is plenty of room for quite a few words LOL ( Now there’s a mental picture you never needed! LOL) Oh and answering ‘wide load’ would not be nice!

Did someone else say “God’s Property”? I can’t remember; I think someone said something similar to that. Still, that’s what I’d choose, and then maybe some people might think you’re a fan of this group.

06.  Which movie made the biggest impact on you during your childhood years?  Please name the movie how old you were and why it made such an impact on you?

You know what? I can’t remember. I can remember many books that had an impact on me when I was a kid, but not as many movies. I think I’ll go with Anastasia. I watched that movie all the time when I was in middle school. I kind of had a crush on Dmitri, ha. It was one of the first movies to ever make me cry. It touched my heart, and I was always enraptured by it. Anytime I stayed home sick in middle school, one of the movies I watched was always Anastasia. I also watched Escape to Witch Mountain a lot, the made-for-TV remake from the 1990s. And oh my gosh, I just looked it up, and Elisabeth Moss played the main girl in that movie?! I liked the ideas of having that special bond with a sibling and of people from a disadvantageous background having special powers. Those were the types of stories I wrote when I was a kid. And I identified with Woody in Toy Story. I thought he was much cooler than the pompous Buzz Lightyear.

07.  If you could be one human movie character of the same gender as you which character would you choose and why?  Please also name the movie as well as the character in case we don’t know them.

I have no idea. I’ll just name the first thing that comes into my head. I’ll pick one of my hot guys from yesterday. Oh, can it be a miniseries?! Then I’d be Margaret Hale in North and South. I could be the love interest of John Thornton, played by Richard Armitage. He is quite hot as Thornton, I must say. Oh, if we’re going with miniseries, I would also like to be Sibyl in Downton Abbey because she kicks ass.

08.  If you could be one human movie character of the opposite gender to you which character would you choose and why? Please also name the movie as well as the character in case we don’t know them.

I’d be George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life so I can know why I’m here. I would just want that situation, though, not Bailey’s life. I’d like to have Jefferson Smith’s life in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. I’d like to be an honest person in politics who succeeds.

09.  If you could be one non-human movie character which character would you choose and why? Please also name the movie as well as the character in case we don’t know them.

All I can think of is Chip in Beauty and the BeastHe’s feisty. Plus, I can read all of the books in the Beast’s library, if I can somehow figure out how to do that as a cup, ha.

10.  If you were given an invisible protective bubble which afforded you the ability to go and witness and experience (in total safety) any moment in world history which moment would you choose and why?

I’d like to be one of Jesus’s followers, so I can see him and experience his love and compassion firsthand. Also so I can see what the early followers were like.

11.  If you were then given the opportunity to experience that same moment in world history but this time without the protective bubble would you choose to do it (and if so why) or choose another more safer moment in world history and if so which moment and why that one?

It might be a bit too dangerous to live in Jesus’s times. I’d like to see Abraham Lincoln read the Emancipation Proclamation so I can hear his masterful rhetorical skills. And I’d just be in awe of Lincoln in general. While I wouldn’t like to be around the destruction of the Civil War, I don’t think I’d be in danger of dying because as a woman I couldn’t be a soldier. I’d live somewhere safe like Boston and make a trip just to see Lincoln.

Next up, Carla from Seasons Change, and So Have I asked these questions:

1. What is your most fondest memory. Even if your life has been crappy, think of some time that brings good memories.

I don’t know. I loved Christmas when I was four-years-old until my mom had to go and ruin it.

2. What is your routine before you go to bed at night?

I turn off the lights. I brush my teeth and go to the bathroom. Sometimes I turn on my bedside lamp and read a little bit. Then I settle into bed for the night.

3. If you could live in another place and time, what would you chose?

The Roaring Twenties in New York. It would be fun to be a flapper. In the 1920s, everyone would dress elegantly. There were also a lot cultural highlights during the 1920s, like the Harlem Renaissance, modernism, jazz, and the blues.

4. Tell about one of your most lucid dreams, or a re-occurring dream you have.

My lucid dreams are usually nightmares, so I don’t want to talk about any of those. I have recurring dreams that it’s the first day of school and I need to find where I’m supposed to go. Sometimes I oversleep. Sometimes I walk around in a maze and can’t find the room I’m looking for. Sometimes I don’t have any shoes on and am frantically looking for them, but when I ask people if they’ve seen my shoes, they act puzzled and say that I’m wearing shoes even though I’m not.

5.  What movie has made the biggest impact on you?(name the movie and a little summary of it in case we haven’t seen it).

Even though it’s not one of my favorite movies, I’m going with The Bishop’s Wife because it was the first classic film I saw, and it got me into classic movies. Also, I’ll mention Boy A, which is a film with Andrew Garfield. Garfield plays this person who was incarcerated as a kid because he and another kid killed a boy. He gets out with an alias and is not the same person anymore, and he’s trying to live a normal life while keeping his true identity secret. It’s the only movie I can say I almost didn’t finish because I became so heartbroken while watching it. I cried more when watching that than when I saw any other movie, and I tend to get weepy in general. (Not at obvious weepy moments like in Titanic). It’s a really good movie, but it’s hard to watch.

6. Is there something you’ve been told has happened in your life that you have no memory of at all? explain if you can.

Well, I had an operation when I was an infant, an operation without which I would’ve died. I obviously don’t remember that.

7. What was your first favorite song on the radio when you first got into music as a kid?

I liked the Space Jam theme song.

8.  Have you ever been to another country than your own? (if so, tell a bit about it)


9. What does your blog do for you?

It gives me an outlet to express myself and a great community. I wrote a whole post about it here.

10. How do you feel about life on other planets (I’m not asking about UFO sightings).

I don’t believe there’s any other sentient life in our universe. Maybe in another one. I like the idea in Neal Stephenson’s Anathem. Basically there are parallel universes where things are very similar but there are differences in molecular levels and such. It makes more sense if you read the book. It’s a long one, though. Long and entertaining and rewarding.

11. Have you ever experienced some thing that you felt was paranormal? tell about it.

Once when I was 13 I woke up and thought I saw a demon at the end of my bed. I was paralyzed. Perhaps it was a night terror, though.


Filed under General Musing

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award (Or, Hot Guys)

The fabulous Gypsy of Through My Eyes: Adventures in Borderline Land, Hello Sailor, and WeeGee of How Do You Eat an Elephant? have gifted me with the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award! Thanks, Gypsy, Sailor, and WeeGee!

Here are the Rules:

1. Thank the giver.
2. Post 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award on to 7 other bloggers and let them know they’ve been nominated.
4. Include the logo of the award in a post or on your blog.

1) I began this post with 6 boring facts, then I saw the commercial that made me think of #2. I’ve decided it would be much more fun to finish this by including 6 guys I found hot, the first ones that came to my head. With illustrations, of course!

2) Was that Sam Neill on a Cox commercial? I think so. If I were to pick one old guy I found hot, it would be Sam Neill.

3) I know I just tweeted about this yesterday, but Edwin Booth is so gorgeous!

4) Jamie Bamber–I thought he was hot when I watched Horatio Hornblower, before I even saw Battlestar Galactica.

Jamie Bamber as Archie Kennedy in Horatio Hornblower

5) David Tennant, obviously

6) Christian Bale. I especially like him with a beard.

7) Paul McGann has beautiful eyes and a sexy voice. Another man I first saw in Horatio Hornblower, which is my guilty pleasure.

Paul McGann as William Bush in Horatio Hornblower; Regrettably, you can’t really see his eyes in this picture

8) We’re done already?! Pretty please can I include a couple more?!

9) The young Jimmy Stewart

10) The young Conrad Veidt

11) The young Tony Curtis

12) Philip Glennister as Gene Hunt in Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes

13) Henry Ian Cusick as Desmond Hume in Lost

14) Josh Holloway as Sawyer in Lost

15) Seth Gabel as Lincoln Lee on Fringe

I especially like Lincoln with his glasses.

16) Toshiro Mifune

17) Montgomery Clift

18) Dierks Bentley

19) Richard Armitage

20) I suppose that’s quite enough. *Le sigh* I guess I got carried away there . . .

I’m going to try to choose people who haven’t received this yet, but I’m not 100% sure here. I’ll nominate the following:

Seasons Change, and So Have I

Pride in Madness

The Life You Save May Be Your Own

My Bipolar Bubble

Ruby Tuesday

As the Pendulum Swings

Melancholically Manic Mouse

P.S. How could I forget about Henry Cavill?! I liked him in The Tudors, way before he was chosen to become Superman. I would go see Man of Steel just for Henry Cavill, really.


Okay, now I’m actually done.


Fine Print–Pictures come from the following, respectively:


Filed under General Musing

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A Bit Delirious

I’m not all there. I can feel it. It’s like I’m only halfway aware of what’s going on around me.

Even though I went to bed late, I did get a good 7 hours of sleep. During the summer, I go to work later than usual. As I mentioned in my late-night rambling last night, I’m afraid to go to sleep at night, and I don’t know why. I want to take a nap right now, but that would screw up my biological clock even more. Then again, I probably won’t go to bed any earlier if I don’t nap.

After work, I just drove and drove. I eventually wound up on the opposite side of town. I stopped at a Whole-Foods-like place and bought a few random things, just whatever caught my eye. I felt like I was walking through a cloud. Everything seemed really hazy. For some reason, over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been indiscriminately spending money. I spend the money just to spend it, not because I’m getting anything I want. What’m I doing? It’s not like I make oodles of money.

In the parking lot of the store, there was a loud obnoxious family in front of me as I walked back to my car. I started to feel extreme hatred of those effing suburban family types. I felt way more contemptible of that population subset than they deserve. I drove back in a daze. The air conditioner at home right now won’t cool below 80, no doubt because it’s 109 outside. This is why I hate summer so much.

I just feel like I’m a perpetual outsider. I’m jealous of everyone else because they have more likable qualities than I do.

I need to post stats for the adventure blog and accept an award and answer tagging questions on here. But first I felt like documenting my delirium. I’m going to go take a nap or eat dinner now. I don’t know which.


Filed under Mental Health

Nocturnal Woes

I’m afraid to go to sleep, especially at night. I don’t know why. It’s not just because of that suicide dream, although Lord knows that could be reason enough. I think there’s something else there that I fear, something I don’t ever remember. Throughout the big break, I was always afraid to go to sleep, too. That’s when I developed irregular sleep patterns, although I’m sure grad school probably contributed to that as

I had a weird dream last night. My brother and sister and I were staying at a shady motel for the night. For some reason, the price was eight dollars. (Specific numbers often appear in my dreams, which is why I think they’re symbolic.) Anyway, this motel was a dump. It had a rickety balcony. There was a pool in the middle of a field, and it looked hazardous. But the worst thing was the smell. I felt overcome by it, like it would suffocate me. I couldn’t stay there with that smell anymore, and I told them so.  I said I wanted for us to go find somewhere else to stay. They scoffed and told me that if I wanted to do that, I’d have to go find someplace on my own and pay for it. But all the other places in town were much too expensive for me to afford by myself. The dream ended before I made a choice.

I just don’t know what to say about how I’m feeling right now. I think some of this is paranoia.

I’m sure I’m being silly now, and in a couple of days I’ll probably feel embarrassed about my current state. But I’m paranoid that there are blips in my awareness.

This does happen occasionally, but there’s more now. At the store, I bought an Icee. As I was counting out my change, the cashier asked me if I was all right. I had no idea why she’d asked me that. I felt perfectly fine. Then I went to the machine and did what I thought was fill the cup perfectly. But then all of a sudden it was overflowing, and I had no idea why. Then I turned and was surprised to see the cashier right there ready to clean up the mess. I think she must’ve been watching me because I looked odd.

Another thing I’ve become paranoid about: On Friday, I bought some grocery store sushi. I thought I grabbed a couple of packs of soy sauce. I decided to eat on the coffee table, and then I spilled my soda. After I cleaned up the spill, I looked everywhere near where I’d just been and didn’t find the soy sauce. I still haven’t found it. What if I imagined getting it in the first place?

Okay, I’m pretty sure I didn’t imagine it. I’m being paranoid, surely.

But I’ve come back to a basal sensation I felt most intensely during the big break, a feeling that’s been there my whole life.  I feel irrevocably, utterly empty. It’s a hollowness that can never be filled.

I keep alternating between amusement and despair.

And there’s some imposter syndrome thrown in there. I feel completely unlikeable, and I feel that I’m a fraud and everyone on here will one day know I’m unlikeable. One day everyone will know, and I’ll be laid bare in my despicability.

Of course, if I’m unlikeable, then I’m also unlovable.

I’m foolish. I feel as if the emptiness will be filled if I feel as if someone outside of my family loves me. I know my family loves me, though I didn’t when I was a kid. But they’re also very critical.

When I was a kid, I hugged my stuffed animals to make my emptiness go away. It didn’t really work, but it helped.

I feel like everything I do is futile. Why even put in effort if I’m destined for mediocrity?

No doubt the Seroquel will knock me out soon. But still, it looks like it will be a most unrestful night.


Filed under Mental Health

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