Tag Archives: personality

Hey-O

I’ve been back home for a few days now. My summer class got canceled, which is sad. I’m going to be bored . . . not to mention the loss of income. But I guess I should be doing things like looking at jobs and working on my writing.

I haven’t come back here right away because I’ve been working on my writing. I haven’t gotten around to editing my novel yet, but hopefully I will after I finish revising this short story I’ve been editing. I’ve also got a short story idea I haven’t started working on yet, and another one that I just finished. The latter is rather dark . . . It would make people wonder at the screwed-up things that go on in my head. I’m not sure what I can do with this story. I’m not sure what I can do with the story I’ve been revising, either. I find it amusing, but I don’t think anyone other than me would. I think the idea is clever, though. I just don’t feel like people would get it.

Then there’s the obsession I’ve referred to before . . . Supernatural. I started writing a fanfiction story because I just couldn’t get it out of my head. I don’t know what I’m going to do with it, though. It’s rather embarrassing; I don’t want to go into detail about the story itself. Well, I guess it’ll all just be for my own entertainment.

I’ve finally reached the eighth season of Supernatural, so I’ll probably be spending most of my free time watching that. Since I’m so obsessed and all. It’s bad. Half the time things remind me of little moments in Supernatural. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, lol.

And now we come to some heavy news.

While I was home, my dad almost had a heart attack.

I’m serious. It’s shocking and scary. One morning, he wasn’t feeling well, so he had my stepmom take him to the ER. No one thought it would be anything too bad; after all, he almost passed a stress test. But then they found that he had 100% blockage in his coronary artery. If my dad didn’t go to the hospital when he did, well . . . not something I want to think about.

My reaction to this event makes me think I’ve been lying to myself. I like to think I’m this sensitive, caring, and empathetic person, but I’m not.

I woke up late that morning, and based on certain cues in the house, I could tell something was up. However, unlike what I’d usually do in such a situation, I didn’t call to find out what it was. I didn’t want to, so I didn’t find out about my dad going to the ER until a couple of hours later. At that point, the doctors still hadn’t discovered how bad the situation was.

Then as the truth slowly came out, I felt emotionless. Complacent, even, like of course things turned out okay, because the alternative doesn’t happen in real life. Logically, that’s stupid.

I continued to feel emotionless. I didn’t even see why I should be otherwise. Everyone was concerned and worried, and there I was, a callous person.

It seems I have only two modes sometimes–being callous or being overly emotional. Perhaps that has something to do with my reaction.

The whole thing even seemed funny to me, and I occasionally had to restrain short laughs.

I’ve noticed, though, that sometimes I laugh when I’d normally cry.

But I don’t think that was one of the situations, because as I said, I felt nothing.

Only a few days later, as my mind sifted through the implications of the event, did I get weepy.

I don’t like what my reaction says about my character.

My dad’s fine now; he’s resting.

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30 Days of Truth: Day 30–Self-Love?

Well, the last Day of Truth involves writing a letter to yourself and telling yourself everything you love about yourself. As you may be aware from reading my last two posts, I am far from feeling like I love myself right now. I have some good moments, too, but my moods keep rapidly cycling.

But I promised myself I would finally finish the 30 Days of Truth by the end of September, and dammit, I’m going to keep my word.

Who knows, maybe this will even be helpful.

A Letter To Yourself, Tell Yourself EVERYTHING You Love About Yourself

Dear Me,

As someone who struggles with confidence issues and often feels self-hatred, I don’t really love anything about myself. I’m such a Negative Nancy.

Okay, that’s one thing I love about myself. No, not that I’m a Negative Nancy–the fact that I use random expressions because they amuse me. Like Negative Nancy. They humor me. Even though this is fun to me, though, oftentimes people don’t get it.

What else? Sometimes I like my eyes, but then again sometimes I think they’re cockroach-brown. That’s rather gross. I like my hair–it is generally healthy, and it has different tints if you look at it closely. It’s brown, but occasionally you can see hints of red and blonde in it.

Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Oh, here’s one. I like that I’m intelligent. Even when I’m doing badly, I usually trust my intellect. Not always, but usually.

I like that I try to do my best to honor my word. I like that when I commit to something, I am serious about that commitment. This post is an example of that.

I like that, even when I’m doing my worst, usually I can still find things humorous and interesting. Thursday night, I did make myself feel a little better by watching part of an episode of the old Dragnet on YouTube. It amused me.

I like that I often find amusement and intense emotion in the same things. For instance, while watching some of my favorite movies or TV shows, I can find the same parts both amusing and touching. This doesn’t often work to my advantage, though. I mean, sometimes when I’m in a group of people, I’ll laugh at a moment many of them find inappropriate. Or I’ll be emotionally moved by an idea that seems ridiculous to most people.

I like that I don’t compromise when it comes to my life. Well, I do. (Sidenote: I keep feeling like I want to switch between “I” and “you,” but I’ll keep the tone consistent.) What I’m referring to regards what I dedicate my life to. I’m more inclined to pursue my passion than practicality, and there’s a form of integrity in that.

Also, I like that I do generally have integrity. I like that I can usually be tactful and honest at the same time.

I like that I can have deep empathy and that I listen to others.

I hesitate to say I like that I write. Yes, I enjoy it, but it’s a little hard to say I like that I like to write. It sounds like I have this pompous belief that I’m a literary genius or something.

I like that I have more imagination and creativity than my manner would indicate.

I like that I try to be fair.

I like that I can usually be stubborn when I need to be.

I like that I’m often self-aware.

Hmm. Okay. That’s all I’ve got.

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Sunshine Award

NZ Cate of Infinite Sadness or What? has bestowed upon me the Sunshine Award. Thanks, Cate!

Now to answer the attendant questions:

1) Favorite philosopher? Philosophy is too fun just to pick one favorite philosopher. I like Socrates because he walked around engaging in dialogues with people and proving them wrong. I think he’s amusing. Freud’s theories are fun to read.

2) Favorite bad habit? I like sweet food too much.

3) Age? 25

4) Favorite time of day? I like evenings and nights; it seems I have more ideas during those times.

5) Favorite time of year? I like winter. I’m a fan of cold weather and winter wear. But perhaps I might feel different if I lived somewhere where blizzards and suchlike happened.

6) Favorite dead celebrity? There are too many cool dead celebrities for me to choose just one. Hmm. Nope, I’m drawing a blank.

7) Favorite Christmas movie? I like It’s a Wonderful Life and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

8) Favorite vacation? A New Mexico road trip with a friend.

9) Physical activity? I’m not a huge fan of physical activity; I probably should be. I suppose I like walking provided I know where I’m going and can go at my own pace.

10) Favorite thing? The feeling of being inspired while I’m writing a story. When I just continue writing and writing and it all clicks. Sadly, this hasn’t happened for a few months.

I’ll pass this award on to the following:

Indefinitelystillme

My Depression Chronicles

Crazy in the Coconut

Nothinginmynoggin

Make-Up and Mirtazapine

I tried to pick blogs that haven’t yet gotten this award, but I’m not sure if I actually have.

Daylily2011 also awarded me with the Reader Appreciation Award, Versatile Blogger Award, and Liebster Blog Award. I’ve already got those, but I’d still like to thank her for thinking of me! 🙂

As a closing, can I mention that I’ve just found Civil Twilight’s awesome cover of Massive Attack’s “Teardrop.” Seriously. Listen to it.

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Daisy Award

I’m feeling a bit too miserable to be light-hearted right now (see my last post), but I wanted to accept this award before I forgot.

Thanks to Carla from Seasons Change, and So Have I, who has nominated me for the Daisy Award. Here are the rules:

* Thank the person who nominated you.
* Tell your readers 7 unusual things about yourself.
* Nominate some worthy bloggers.

Seven Unusual Things About Your Truly:

1) I have an Arabic father and an American mother. This made for quite an interesting experience growing up in the American South . . .

2) Before I had braces, there were some teeth in my mouth that were sideways.

3) I’m terrible at drawing, but I think I might be okay at art in general, if making the artwork requires collage-like techniques.

4) A gross one: I haven’t shaved in about a month and a half. I wear pants all the time and have become lazy about personal grooming. I promise I’ll get to it soon.

5) Yes, I tend to always wear pants, even in the summer when it’s over 100 degrees outside. I’m not secure with my body.

6) I thought scarves were only decorative accessories until I lived in a climate that sometimes had cold and windy winter days.

7) My favorite fashions are in winter wear.

I’m going to nominate some blogs I’ve never nominated before, inrriguing ones I’ve only recently begun following:

Letters to Dom

Prideinmadness

Readncook

How Do You Eat an Elephant?

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Three Awards

I’m finally getting around to accepting the latest round of awards! I have lost track of who’s received what at this point, so I’m going to just pick whoever I want. You can choose to accept it or not.

First of all, Kevin at Voices of Glass has nominated me for the Thanks for Writing Award. As I understand it, I’m supposed to pass this award on to bloggers whose writing I often find touching and passionate:

Hello Sailor

As the Pendulum Swings

The Quiet Borderline

Next, Graham at The Bipolar Place has nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award. To accept this award, I’m supposed to mention seven things about myself and nominate as many bloggers as I wish. I’ve gotten this award a few times now, so I won’t be passing it on. But since I know you’d love to read more random facts about me, I’ll mention seven things:

1) Earlier today, I went on Facebook and saw some of an old grad school friend’s wedding pictures. They were gorgeous, and several other old grad school student friends were in them. Also, the wedding and reception were in a library! The end result was that I got depressed because I really don’t know those people anymore and in fact have few friends. 😦

2) I like this cover of “Man of Constant Sorrow,” and the lyric video for it has some cool images from old silent films:

3) Before I saw the lyric video above, I thought the line was “You can bury me in sunny valley” instead of “You can bury me in some deep valley.”

3) I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I like to watch films from all eras of film history. That includes silent films. Silent films often have gorgeous images, images which lend them an enchanting mysteriousness that films with sound lack. Back in the old days, no one thought films were that valuable so few copies were intentionally saved. A good chunk of the silent films made (and a few old sound ones, too) are lost forever. Since high school, I’ve thought that this is really sad. Imagine, some actors’ and directors’ entire cinematography is now gone forever. 😦

4) I watched The Artist last week, and it made me cry buckets. Perhaps I was a bit hormonal?

5) I have a blue phone cover.

6) Today, I bought a Diet Coke at a vending machine and found a random Sprite when I picked it up. Of course I took the free Sprite, lol.

7) If you haven’t, vote in this earlier-posted poll, por favor?

Finally, Kevin at Voices of Glass has nominated me for the 2012 Inspiration Award. Magicallymad, who awarded it to him, made up some questions to go with it, so I’ll answer those then nominate a few blogs:

1. If you were a Disney character, who would you be?

Belle, duh. She constantly reads, like me. And I wouldn’t mind falling in love with the Beast. 😉

2. What was your 1st job?

In college, I was a writing tutor in the athletic-academic center.

3. If you had to live in a so called “3rd world country,” which would it be?

I don’t know. Djibouti?

4. Coen or Farrelly Brothers?

Coen Brothers. I find Farrelly Brothers movies stupid.

5. Favorite baby/child’s book?

I’ll go with A Little Princess because I read it several times when I was a kid, and it always made me cry.

6. Favorite non-existent punishment (well, non-existent in “1st world countries”) for monsters who harm the defenseless?

Pressing people to death is a weird one.

7. What’s your favorite thing to do that is not strictly legal?

I don’t really do anything illegal. Trespassing? Because I like to snoop around.

8. How many times would you call the cops on your non-native (I’m an immigration professional – the variety that bring people INTO the US, this complaint is not about their race or heritage, it’s about their lack of respect) neighbors playing mariachi music outside all night long because they don’t have to get up in the morning before you just started hucking stuff out the window at them?

I would probably be too afraid to do anything about it. I’d support other people’s police calls and complaints against the neighbor, but I’m too timid to do things on my own.

9. What’s an image that depicts how you feel right now?

Will an ecard do?

10. What’s your favorite ridiculous video?

This MST3K video always makes me laugh hard:

I’ll nominate the following:

Melancholically Manic Mouse 😉

Mm172001

Through My Eyes: Adventures in Borderline Land

The Life You Save May Be Your Own

Nothinginmynoggin

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And Still 11 More Questions

I was going to accept my awards today, but I think that post would take quite a while. I’ll try to do it soon, though. Meanwhile, WeeGee of the intriguingly-titled How Do You Eat an Elephant? has asked me 11 questions. Here they are, along with my answers:

1) What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given? I don’t know, honestly. Two things come to mind. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said that “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” I also think of this phrase: “Chin up, lipstick on.” I found it on this site I used to go to a few years ago to read about whose birthdays were happening.

2) Are you a dog person, a cat person, or some-other-kind-of-animal person? I like cats. This question makes me think of CatDog.

3) What is your opinion of mushrooms? I actually like mushrooms a lot, thanks.

4) Could you recommend a good book please? Depends what sort of book you’re looking for. I’ll recommend three by Hilary Mantel: A Place of Greater Safety, which is about the French Revolution; Wolf Hall, which is about Thomas Cromwell; and Bring Up the Bodies, which is the sequel to Wolf Hall.

5) What’s your motto? We’re all put on this earth for a reason. Our purpose in life is to find that reason and fulfill it. Also, we should treat others with kindness and empathy.

6) Is it okay to lie to spare somebody’s feelings? Depends on the situation. What are the consequences of the lie? What would be the consequences of hurting that person’s feelings? My answer depends on where the situation falls within this spectrum.

7) What’s the best thing about blogging? Making new friends and being heard without people thinking lesser of me.

8) Could you tell me a joke or share something funny? Knock knock? Who’s there? Wood? Wood who? Wood you let me in, please? Sorry, I can’t be funny on cue.

9) Is there something that you don’t like but wish that you did? I wish that I liked exercise and being athletic more. Perhaps then I wouldn’t be so fat and unfit.

10) What would you do if you found a ferret in the street? I would probably just leave it there. I’m often passive. Although if it had a collar, I might pick it up and contact its owner.

11) What should I ask if I really want to get to know you? I don’t know. I’m not easy to get to know. I would say that you should ask me what my ideals and beliefs are, as those are the most personal matters to me.

CatDog picture is from here.

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20 . . . Er, 11 Questions, No, I Mean 22, Or Perhaps 33

The Quiet Borderline and Hello Sailor have chosen me in a game of tag! Here are the rules:

1. You must post the rules.
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
3. Create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
4. Tag (eleven) people with a link to your post.
5. Let them know they’ve been tagged.

Here are the The Quiet Borderline’s questions with my answers:

1. Do you collect anything? When I was a kid, I collected teddy bears. I don’t think I collect anything now, unless you count my ever growing piles of books. Oh, and I have hundreds of movies in both my instant and DVD Netflix queues.

2. How did you meet your best friend? I met her when I was a freshman in college. We lived on the same floor in the dorms.

3. What do you do when you do not blog? I’m a writing tutor and adjunct instructor at a local community college. I read a lot and watch all sorts of movies. Sometimes I write fiction, too.

4. Have you ever been to Mexico? No.

5. If you won the lottery, what would you do with the money? Jump up and down with joy. Buy myself a house. Indulge myself in my lifelong dream to write full-time. Give some to other family members. Save a lot of it, and probably give some to charity.

6. What is on your bucket list (i.e. what do you still need/want to do before you die)? There are a lot of books I’d like to read first. I think there’ll always be more than I can actually read, though. I’d like to finish my novels and have them published (and hopefully read).

7. What is your favorite drink? Diet Dr. Pepper. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you guys this. 😉

8. Do you have a bad habit? If yes, what is it? I have a lot of bad habits. I’m never completely still. Sometimes I feel compelled to grind my teeth. I tend to put things in my mouth and chew on them when I’m thinking. Mostly pens, but I’ve done it with other stuff, too. The other day, I found myself chewing on the end of my flash drive.

9. What was your favorite class in school? English.

10. Why is the place where you live perfect for you? I don’t think it is, really. I live in conservative-ville, and I’m a bleeding liberal. I like my job, and I guess the people I meet are nice. I do like that my parents live a few hours a way. It’s not too long of a way to go to visit for holidays, but it is long enough so that I don’t have to run into family members all the time.

11. Do you have a swimming pool? (If yes, can I come visit?) No.

Here are my answers to Hello Sailor’s questions:

1. Do you think you could survive a zombie apocalypse and if so what would be your weapon of choice? Probably not. The only way I’d be able to survive would be by flying under the radar. My weapon would be my brain. Although I think it would be fun to use a crossbow.

2. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? I think that would make me feel kind of sick. I’d have to choose something not overly flavorful yet nourishing. Bread, perhaps?

3. Do you think Noah had woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them? The woodpeckers didn’t need to be on the ark; they were able to fly. They landed on top of other animals once in a while when they needed to rest their wings.

4. If space flight was affordable, would you go, just because you could? Perhaps. It would make me a bit nervous, but sounds fun and interesting.

5. Would you very kindly draw me a picture of a bird and post it on your blog so I can add to my collection? I drew a picture of a bird. You’ll find it in this post. You might not want it in your collection, though. As Dotty might say, my drawing skills are shite.

6. Do you think unicorns exist? No. They didn’t make it on to the ark. As this T-shirt I own will show you.

7. Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Were there razors in the jungle? Maybe Tarzan isn’t really a man. He’s a woman. Or an extraterrestrial.

8. How old do you think you would be if you didn’t know how old you are? I would be the same age as I am now, obviously. Just because I don’t know how old I am doesn’t change the amount of time I’ve been on this earth.

9. Will you be joining me on my boat when I win the lottery? Of course! What better way to live than to be on the MFF cruise?

10. What makes you, you? I make me me. Maybe God does, too. And I wouldn’t exist without my parents.

11. Did you like my questions? Yes, they were interesting to think about and amusing.

Here are the 11 I tag:

The Quiet Borderline

Hello Sailor

As the Pendulum Swings

Through My Eye: Adventures in Borderline Land

The Life You Save May Be Your Own

Mm172001

Seasons Change, and So Have I

Voices of Glass

Melancholically Manic Mouse

Nothinginmynoggin

Magicallymad

I know some of you have been tagged before, but I’m curious about your answers to my questions. I’m not asking you to do the entire challenge again, lol.

Here are my questions:

1) What is the one insect you absolutely can’t stand?

2) Which fictional world(s) do you wish were real?

3) Who is your favorite President/Prime Minister/Monarch/Whoever Has Been in Charge of Your Country in history?

4) If you were forced to be on a reality show, which one would you go on, and why?

5) What is the one feature that your dream house must possess?

6) What is your guilty musical pleasure?

7) What do you think is the most disgusting food?

8) Do you smile with or without showing your teeth?

9) Do you believe that there are aliens in the universe?

10) Choose your own adventure books–yay or nay?

(Guess what gave me my wonderful idea.)

11) What is the funniest thing that has happened to you today?

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